Writing a memoir can sometimes seem fickle. You may think, “I’m not famous. Nothing memorable has ever really happened to me. What is the point?” However, you could not be more wrong. Everyone’s life has experiences that make them feel something deep within themselves. Writing these experiences down can not only help you as a person figure out your own feelings about life, but can help your readers too. Learning how to start a memoir is the first step to learning a little bit more about yourself.
What Is a Memoir? (And How It’s Different from an Autobiography)
The first tip for how to start a memoir is to realize that you are not writing an autobiography. A lot of people use the terms “memoir” and “autobiography” interchangeably, but they do not actually mean the same thing. An autobiography is about your entire life, from your birth until the present. A memoir on the other hand, focuses on one story from your life. One moment that you believe stands out in your own personal timeline.
Here is a concrete example to make the difference click. If someone like Michelle Obama wrote a book covering her entire life, from childhood through education, career, the White House, and beyond, all in chronological order, that would be an autobiography. But if she wrote a book focused on one specific thread of her experience, say, navigating elite academic institutions as a Black woman and how that shaped her identity, that would be a memoir. Same person, same life, completely different book.
This is actually good news for you as a first-time author. You do not need to document your entire life. You need to find the one story, the one thread, that will resonate with a reader who has been through something similar.
How to Start a Memoir: Finding Your Story
Tip two is to write out just a few of your favorite past experiences from your life and take a while to think about each one. You may think you have no interesting stories to tell, but if you do this and really take the time to reflect on certain events, I promise you will find at least one event in your past that is particularly meaningful to you. If you can find that event and feel passionately about, your writing will reflect that passion and your readers will feel it. Passion is what creates remarkable memoirs.
As you reflect, start looking for a theme that connects those experiences. Maybe your memoir is about navigating a health crisis. Maybe it is about rebuilding after a major life change. Maybe it is about a complicated family relationship. The clearer you are on your theme, the easier it becomes to write the book and to market it when it is done.
If you are still deciding what your memoir should be about, I have a resource that walks you through finding your strongest theme.
Ready to go deeper on getting started? Get the step-by-step guide: How To Write A Compelling Memoir
How to Write a Memoir: Structure That Keeps Readers Hooked
Tip three for how to start a memoir? Don’t write your memoir in chronological order! Your life may have happened in chronological order, but that doesn’t mean your memoir has to as well. Start out your memoir with a bit of action from the middle of the story you have decided to tell. This draws your readers in and makes them want to find out what led to that piece of action and what the outcome of the action will be. Start with action, and then jump to the chronological beginning. Entice your readers to read more about you.
As the National Centre for Writing’s guide to memoir craft also notes, the strongest memoirs balance personal reflection with a structure that keeps readers engaged. Whether you go chronological or non-linear, your opening has to give the reader a reason to keep going. Ask yourself: what scene or moment would make a stranger read the first two pages and need to know what happens next? That is your opening.
And as you draft, remember this: descriptive language is what takes writing and pushes it up to another level. If you can describe with the senses what is happening in your story, it will give your readers the sense that they are there experiencing it with you. It will make your memoir real to all those who read it. Descriptive language is essential to creating a well written piece of literature. Your memoir will only benefit from it.
Want to master memoir structure? Go deeper on memoir structure in the masterclass: How to Structure a Memoir That Readers Can’t Put Down
Writing About Real People in Your Memoir
One of the things that a lot of my clients struggle with is wondering how writing a memoir is going to affect other people around them. Our lives intertwine with other people, so this question comes up constantly: how will the people in my story feel about me sharing these experiences?
You are within your right to share your story
The first thing I want to say to you is that you are well within your right to share your personal story. No one can take that away from you. However, you might want to take some care in how you share those different experiences.
Consider being transparent
Some of my clients decide to actually go to the person they are going to be writing about and let them know: “I’m going to be sharing my story. I’m sharing it from my perspective, not to hurt you, not to be disrespectful in any way, but I’m sharing it from my vantage point. This is how I saw things.” There is nothing wrong with doing that.
Other approaches that work
Other writers decide to just write it whether they get consent or not. Another way people handle it is by changing the name and all of the identifying factors so that readers cannot figure out exactly who you are talking about. Another option is to go with a pen name.
Be authentic above all
But the most important thing, going back to being transparent: remember, you are not obligated to write a memoir. This is something that you chose to do. So you are not obligated to share all of your different personal experiences. But the experiences that you do choose to share, be as authentic and transparent as possible, because that is going to be relayed to your reader. They are going to appreciate your sharing it in that way because they will be able to connect with your story.
Outlining Your Memoir Before You Write
Create an outline. The reason why creating an outline is important is because you are thinking about the themes you want to talk about, and you do not want to steer too far away from what those themes are for your book.
By writing an outline and seeing visually on paper exactly the experiences that you want to talk about, putting them in a logical order so that it makes sense for the readers (whether that is linear or not), you are giving yourself a roadmap. When you sit down at your computer, you know exactly what it is that you want to write.
An outline is going to be important because you know your life. You just need it to be in a logical order so that you know exactly what you need to write as soon as you sit down to your computer. For most first-time authors, one of the things they struggle with is “what do I write?” But if you have an outline and you know the exact order that you are going to put it in, it is going to be much easier to write your memoir.
One more thing to keep in mind: your outline is a living document. It will change as you write. You will realize some experiences need more space than you planned, and you might cut things that felt important during planning but do not serve the story on the page. That is completely normal. The point of the outline is not to lock you in. It is to give you enough clarity to start writing.
Your Story Is Worth Telling
Knowing how to start a memoir is the first step to getting one of your own personal stories out there for the world to see. You may think you don’t have anything worthy to write about, but that’s far from the truth. Gather your friends together and reminisce! You will find a story worth telling, this is your life, don’t downplay it.
And once your memoir is written, here is how to get it published.
I found this really helpful, thanks.
Thanks for reading!